I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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