I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
