I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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