He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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