I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
