If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
