My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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