i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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