About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
