And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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