I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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