somebody snuck up and got me drunk
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
