just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
