I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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