At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish I could teleport
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
