I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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