Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
