can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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