David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize