I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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