Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
