Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
