At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
