I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
