I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
