When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
