There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
