life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
