He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
