I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
