Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
