also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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