This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize