A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize