mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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