No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You may now shotgun with the bride
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
