Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize