You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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