I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
