I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
