i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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