We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
