I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
