fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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