I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
