Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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