omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
