can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The beer is more important than you right now.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I came so hard my ears popped.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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