I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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