So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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