My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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