is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
