I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
