as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is this like a preordered booty call?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
