We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
