my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
