ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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