i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
