Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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