you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
