That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
