And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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