I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
