She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
