I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My bed smells like the plague
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
