It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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