Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
