That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize