mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
