Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize