i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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