gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize